Something’s come over me this week. It all started when I noticed I lost my interest in chatting with my family. I’m not particularly moody. In fact, I lack emotions and have an unusual ability to suppress my worries. Most of the times I have to push myself to read, to write, to play the piano, and I gave up on working out completely (I can’t even walk fast without losing my breath, let alone walking on a conveyor belt), and these were all the things I enjoyed doing.

So I reluctantly looked up “pregnancy depression” on BabyCenter, a trusted resource I’ve turned to since the start of my pregnancy. I hate being an invalid, but I guess I do have a sign or two of being depressed. “Feeling blue, sad, or ‘empty’ for most of the day, every day”, “Hard to concentrate” and ‘Trouble sleeping or sleeping all the time” (I have trouble sleeping) perfectly describe my current state. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, as I know it’s a natural course during pregnancy for about 20% of women. But I am afraid I may infect my family with my blues, which is the last thing I want to do. Besides, I miss being the cheerful me. I’m not used to be so quiet and “calm”. I bet my husband misses me too.

So what am I going to do to bring myself back? Well, for one, I’m writing again. Spilling my feelings on paper does help a lot. Talking to others is only helpful to the extent that they sympathize with me. I don’t expect that from anybody, and I think doing it often will make me rather unpleasant to be with. Next, I will pick up my piano practice on a piece by Yann Tiersen. The piece I’m playing is wonderful, a soundtrack from Amalie. After that if I still feel blue, I will also sew a little. I’ve been sewing patterns on a baby blanket, hoping I can complete it before the baby is born. Sewing has a tremendous calming effect on me. Not that I need to calm down any more than my current level of “calmness”, but it’s something to do.

Hopefully I will feel better before the weekend arrives. We all work for the weekend, so it wouldn’t do good to spoil it, would it?!

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